My Body And I

cd2e69b0aa893be6c4aeefc7ebe45233My sister and her fiancé lost a friend of theirs to cancer this week, and I wanted to share something Kira wrote in the days before her passing:

Eventually we can’t keep this up anymore- my body and I. We all have limits. I regret calling it names. I regret not doing with it all the things I’ll never do now. I thought I had time. I thought it didn’t matter. I took for granted that everything functioned. It never occurred to me that I wasn’t in pain until the pain became the norm. I worried about what it looked like, and now I just worry that I’m eating enough to keep going with hopefully a little extra cushion for the needles to go in. I hurt when I see my friends berate themselves for their lingering baby weight, or if they can’t lose/gain a few extra pounds. Your bodies are not lemons either. Just let them feel pleasure! When I go, I am sorry that my body will just be a body…dead as any other. But until then, I’m just impressed with what we’ve pulled off. Thanks body!

The trivial nature of everyday life can feel really overwhelming when you start thinking about death. We are at the mercy of these little machines to keep us healthy, and I’m inspired by her words to make a promise to be nicer to mine. It’s not ugly from skipping the shower, it’s not fat from the truck loads of pizza I feed it, it’s not bent or broken from running it in to a semi. It is a good, healthy, solid body with teeny wrists and pointy ears and I will happily live in it as long as it will have me.

Happy Wednesday, a song for you here and something to make you smile here. xo.

 

 

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20 thoughts on “My Body And I

  1. Wow, this definitely puts things in perspective. I’m very sorry for your sister and her fiancé’s loss. Kira’s words really touched me though, and makes me think that any body-consciousness I may have is really just so useless. I know that the body dysmorphia or eating disorder aren’t things I asked for nor were they the result of narcissism or being shallow, however, I think that gaining a healthy mindset includes knowing when to stop thinking about what your body looks like and just start living in it–and enjoying all that it can do! Thank you for sharing this!

  2. Wow, that’s really powerful. My brother was paralyzed for 5 years before he passed away. When I hate my legs or complain about something, I suddenly realize that he would have LOVED to have the problems I do, since all he wanted was to be able to stand.

  3. What an amazing post! Everyday life really does seem trivial when we are faced with our mortality – I think it is a great reminder to think about what things actually matter in our lives and to spend more time focusing on them instead of the things we won’t even remember being stressed about in 1 months time.

    This is exactly what I needed to read as I head into my final block of exams this semester. It’s so easy to lose perspective and feel like doing badly in an exam is the end of the world but really, it isn’t even close.

    LOVE this!

    Sam xx

    • Yeah I totally agree, and I’m guilty of slipping in to the sweat-the-small-stuff mindset too. It’s a balancing act, like I commented above, where you’re trying to live in the moment while working towards your future. Good luck with your exams and thank you! ❤

  4. I’m so sorry for your loss.

    These beautiful words provide such perspective. I so appreciate her statements “I thought I had time. I thought it didn’t matter.” It is unbearably sad that this was a realization that was thrust upon her, but I am so thankful to have read it so that I can focus on appreciating each day.

    Thank you for sharing!

    xx Katie
    lovely letters

  5. I loved this, and I can only say what everybody else already has when I tell you how great it was! Your blog has been a perfect feed to read on a lazy Thursday. I too struggle with pretty severe body image issues that I am only now learning to combat with a healthier mindset. Sometimes I think that if I don’t laugh, I’ll cry, and that’s a big reason I’ve enjoyed the rest of your posts as well. You got chops, girl.

    P.S. Pizza is God or Buddha or Allah or Tom Cruise’s gift to the world. Eat as much as you want.

    • You’re so sweet Karlee, thank you! Made me smile big time. Your blog keeps poppin’ up on my Facebook feed because we’ve got a bunch of mutual friends soooo I’ve been silently creeping for a while hahaha.

      And I’m with you. Pizza > everything.

      xo!

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