Embrace The Point of No Return

File 2015-10-05, 8 35 51 PM

As I write this I am in a coffee shop and the man next to me is reading a book called Reaching the Animal Mind… out loud. I live for bizarre moments like this. I have been inspired to write so many times over the last couple of months but all I’ve wound up with is a folder full of drafts and a very tired mind. That being said, tonight I’ve rounded up a teeny collection of thoughts:

On the magic of bodies: Yesterday I was sipping a Bailey’s and coffee while surfing through photos from the summer and came across one I took of myself in my bathing suit. I took it because… I felt really, truly, terribly fat that day. At the time I was curious if I saved that photo and looked at it again in 20 years, would think I was crazy and be able to see myself more clearly? But here I am, just two months later, wondering what on earth I was so worried about. I do not look fat in it. I guess my point in sharing this embarrassing flaw in my confidence is to remind you that insecurity and crippling self-doubt is natural, but might be totally based on something make-believe. (Side note, the man from above^ just took off his shoe and smelled it)

On everyone else’s fleeting love: Lately I’ve been feeling a bit surrounded by crumbling relationships. I come from a long line of divorces in my family, and yet have never become jaded by it. If the phrase “hopeless romantic”didn’t make me feel like a dorky 13 year old I might add it here to describe myself, but I’m not going to so you’ll have to use your imagination. Since Tim moved to Vancouver in the middle of August we’ve spent a ton of time apart and some days it’s hard for both of us not to want to chuck our iPhones out a window and ask “What the f are we doing?!” all the while wondering if everyone else has it better- but I’ve yet to stop believing that we’re the lucky ones.

On being an introvert often mistaken for an extrovert: I get my energy from my alone time. I’m exhausted by small talk, big crowds, long nights with unfamiliar faces and public speaking- though I’m good at it. I can often be found belly laughing or “putting myself out there” on various internet spaces but the truth is I’m an introvert with a million things going on in my mind at once. I love to create, but praise embarrasses me. A month ago someone literally started reading one of my blog posts out loud and I nearly imploded. “Isn’t that why you write? For it to be read?!” they asked. “Absolutely,” I said. “But in your head and no where near me.”

On the best advice I’ve heard this month: Life is scary. Find your boo.👻

[images via: left, top, bottom]


3 thoughts on “Embrace The Point of No Return

  1. You took the words right out of my mouth a couple times! I’ve also recently looked at pictures from previous summers and distinctly remember feeling fat and unattractive then (hello Kelowna vacations where it seems like I consume nothing but beer and cheese) but looking at them now I have no idea what I was so worried about. It’s weird how your perceptions change.

    I’ve always been an introvert too, which used to be a lot more obvious. But now I’ve learned how to socialize like a normal person and actually pull it off pretty convincingly. In the last couple years I’ve been described on a few occasions as outgoing, and even loud, which is such a novelty for me cause in my mind I’m still the quiet one sitting in the background.

    I’d also literally run away if someone started reading anything from my blog in front of me. I lol’d at “But in your head and no where near me”. So true.

    Glad to see you posting again! I really liked this one and your writing always inspires me. I know what it’s like to have drafts sitting there unpublished.. I still plan on finishing that veg post we talked about in BC. Someday.

  2. How wonderful! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. And at some point or another, I can/could relate to all of them. On bodies- I’m trying to be less critical of my body, because it works mostly well! It does it’s job, and that in and of itself, is lovely. On love- my husband and I were long distance for a most of our dating, and while I wouldn’t wish the extreme highs and lows of distance on anyone, we made it work. I fervantly believe that love is worth fighting for. On introversion- I 100% hear you. My whole family is extroverted, so I feel as if I’m a learned extrovert. But truly, I crave alone time in order to recharge. We’re all different. Some people function best with a jam-packed social schedule, and I have learned that I do not. Isn’t that a part of growing up, though? Learning about yourself and what works best for you?

    Happy fall! xx
    Lynn-Holly | The Fisher Files

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